Four Things I Loved in May

Dungeon Delves: Vol 1 by Katie Oliver

Dungeon Delves provides some of the most wholesome DnD art ever. Katie Oliver's triweekly comics radiate joy. These funny and sweet strips, each just a few panels, encapsulate how exhilarating it is play RPGs.

Her first collection, Dungeon Delves: Vol 1, serves as a both a celebration and explanation of the hobby (this is neatly conveyed by its cover revealing the only thing on the author's mind is the Dungeons and Dragons dice set). This book is a breezy read and one that will bring a smile to your face. I'm excited that a sequel is coming soon!

Twelve Percent Dread by Emily McGovern

Emily McGovern is another artist I discovered online who I adore. Her three panel strip about discussing politics is a favourite of mine. Her first graphic novel, Bloodlust & Bonnets, is a fantastic vampire hunting romp set in Romantic-era Britain which features Lord Byron and a telepathic eagle named Napoleon.

In stark contrast, her second book, Twelve Percent Dread, is a contemporary story capturing what it is like to be living in a city while young and struggling. Its protagonists are constantly freelancing, taking on unfulfilling jobs just to make rent or meet VISA requirements. They seek answers on apps which tracking their health and goals (the book's title refers to one of their daily stats).

While focused on a small group of friends in London, this wide-ranging fastmoving slice of life tackles big tech, alternate medicine, immigration, social media, and identity. This novel is an impressive achievement and an absorbing read. Despite the book being over four hundred pages, every time I read this I finish it within a day.

The Curse (series 2)

I have been a devotee of Tom Davis ever since Murder in Successville. He was the silly heart and anchor of the improvised murder mystery series and he is just as bombastic and goofy in The Curse. This slick heist comedy recently returned for a second run and I am so glad we got another chance to hear the unique tones of Davis' marble mouthed Mick.

This caper is a delight. I devoured series two in a single evening. It is so fun to spend three hours with this gang. The men are so hilariously ill-fitted to be criminals. They are either cocky or insecure or, in the case of Davis' Big Mick, just not very bright. Emer Kenny's Natasha does her best to wrangle them, but her competent leadership cannot stop inevitable disaster and the body count increases as the series goes on. It is so enjoyable to see them sweat in a mess of their own making. I dearly hope the show gets a third series.

Wyrd Science

Despite already being interested in tabletop and board games, I only learnt about the magazine Wyrd Science because an improv pal was interviewed in it. I bought just that issue, partially out of curiosity and partially as it is cool to get stuff featuring people you know. I was then so enamoured by this first taste that I downloaded the initial two issues and ordered the third.

While I rarely extend beyond the realms of DnD 5e, I was engrossed by write-ups of different systems, rulesets, and worlds. This magazine is a real treat. Each issue is a wonderful mix of in-depth interviews and reviews which seemed to prioritise conveying a sense of how the games feel to play instead of dry objective ratings. All of these are written by people who clearly know their stuff and have a real passion for games.

Also, oh, the artwork! Equally dazzling in print or PDF, the full page pictures - a combination of game art and images commissioned for the articles - are gorgeous. This amazing piece by Carly A-F in particular so struck me that I stopped to zoom in and admire all of the wonderful details.

The images in Wyrd Science were so beautiful that it inspired me to start following more fantasy and tabletop illustrators on Twitter. This not only means I'm more likely to see goblins on my timeline, but also ensures I'll discover more great creators to support like Dungeon Delves.

Film Review: why Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves feels like a great game of DnD

Folks, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is GREAT. I had such a fun time! It is a feelgood movie with big laughs and I had a blast.

This hard fantasy which will satisfy hardcore fans of the game with references to realms, spells, and factions pulled from the sourcebooks (as someone currently playing Tomb of Annihilation, I got a kick out of shoutouts to the Harpers and the Emerald Enclave). However, what I appreciated most about the film was that it captures the feeling of playing DnD. Games have a thrilling chaotic vibe. The most enjoyable sessions are a giddy mix of debating plans, dumb shenanigans, and throwing all your spells and weapons at a baddie. This wild combo is a trip and the movie nails this tone.

Part of this is down to the amazing ensemble cast. All their performances are perfectly pitched. Each member of the adventuring party is a fully rounded creation. These are complex beings with feelings, not stock types swinging swords. They are charming company and two hours with them flies by.

The movie is also very funny. There is broad slapstick and dry one-liners. Regé-Jean Page is hilarious as the overly perfect paladin with no grasp of idioms or sarcasm. Such a schtick could be overused, but the balance is kept just right and he leaves with us wanting more. And I do want more. This caper is a real treat!

If you are not already convinced to go, I do not know what to tell you. That the crew prioritised practical effects and puppetry over making everything CGI? That it features one of the sweetest genuinely platonic male-female friendships I have ever seen on screen? That Hugh Grant is clearly having as much fun playing a shameless scallywag as he did in Paddington 2? These are all true.

Sure, the film is not perfect, but then, neither is a great session of DnD. Every game will feature multiple low-scoring dice rolls, a secret that should not have been shared, or the unfortunate loss of an ally. All these missteps only serve to make the dizzying highs feel so much sweeter.

Honour Among Thieves is not just a great movie, it's also a great DnD movie. Go see it with a few friends.

Five Great Books

I am so lucky that my birthday and Christmas are six months apart. This means every half a year I receive an influx of books. As I rarely purchase something to read, upon receiving these gifts, I, starved of literature, inevitably rush through them, sometimes at the rate of one a day, so desperate that I am to get my fix.

As a result, with Twelfth Night only just in the rear-view, I have already finished all my holiday reads. Here are some of my favourites.

I am a sucker for a murder mystery. I enjoy a well-constructed puzzle and I like the big characters that populate the genre. Crime caper Dead on Dartmoor by Stephanie Austen provides me with an extra kick as it is set in my county. Its predecessor, Dead in Devon, even namechecks my hometown, describing it as 'a lovely town with an old stone-built market hall' (I can confirm - it is lovely and the market is old).

This series' amateur sleuth is Juno Browne, an odds job woman with an unfortunate habit of discovering dead bodies (a quirk which does not go unremarked by the local police). Once involved, Browne, with the help of a sweet recurring cast of colleagues, clients, and pals, uses her limited resources, plus some good old-fashioned snooping, to help catch the killer. The books are an easy read and a lovely addition to the genre.

Similarly cosy is Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree. This is a charming tale about an orc named Viv opening a town's first coffee shop. This fantasy follows an adventurer trying to define herself once she retires from questing. Once known for strength and swordplay, can she find fulfilment in a radically different career? 

The introduction of a contemporary invention into a fantasy setting will inevitably bring to mind Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. This is no way a bad thing. While I do not feel Baldree is trying to ape the great Sir Terry, his book certainly takes its comic central premise as seriously as Pratchett does with his. While townsfolks are sceptical about our lead's new venture, they never question it to the extent that the reader considers it silly.

My favourite character is Thimble, an utterly adorable rat chef. His pure enthusiasm for his work is endearing; his tendency to speak few words - a trait which could grate if overdone - is sweet. I love him so much.

Moving back to reality - albeit a virtual one - Escape by Marie Le Conte is a set of semi-autobiographical essays about the first generation of people (which includes me) to grow up within the internet. We are the children who first had access, who never knew a world where it did not exist. Did it hurt us or help us? This is what the book explores.

Using anecdotal evidence and interviews (including some with bloggers who put their entire personal life online), Le Conte considers the performative nature of being online, how we have unwittingly been trained to write with the knowledge we will be read, and the struggle to honour every version of yourself now that your potential audience is everyone in the world. This tribute to a version of the 'net we have lost is a thought-provoking book and, given that the Twitter takeover has prompted people to re-evaluate their relationship with social media, an unintentionally timely one.

The books I enjoyed most - and it is not even close - are Tim Key's two extraordinary collections about life during the pandemic. They are sensational. While one may assume the first and third UK lockdowns are too recent a scab to pick at, these sets of poems and semi-fictional dialogues are a revelation, a hilarious and frenetic account of one man's experience navigating the New Normal.

He Used Thought as a Wife covers the start of the pandemic, adeptly capturing the uncertainty, the everchanging rules, the new phrases. The dialogues (mainly phone calls and Zoom chats) take place entirely from within Key's flat. This gives the book a claustrophobic feel, mirroring how we all felt when confined to our homes in the name of the greater good.

In contrast, in Here we go Round the Mulberry Bush, a take on the third lockdown, Key rarely stops moving. Now daily exercise is part of the roadmap, he is always walking. Dialogues remain the backbone of the piece - there are still phone calls, plus meetups IRL for socially distanced hangs - but all take place outside.

Both books have a delightful meta element, the sequel more heavily. In the latter, everyone featured in the first volume has now read it and are consequently worried about Tim's wellbeing. They are also asking whether he is writing a follow-up. Naturally, given that we are reading this within the sequel means we know the answer, but the build up to that decision is wonderful.

One of the people asking about a second is the books' designer, Emily Juniper. Her friendship with Key shines through both editions. The affection they have for each other is clearly strong and their working relationship is a joy to witness.

Her incredible design work in the texts, not just her illustrations but the layout of the poems on the page, elevates these works to art. They are gorgeous.

I mean, honestly, look at this.

Poetry has never looked this elegant.

I hope the pair collaborate on many projects in the future (although fingers crossed this pandemic set does not become a trilogy). His words and her designs are a perfect match. The books are a delirious exhilarating read. I cannot recommend them enough.

Five More Books, Films, and Shows I Loved

It's a new month, so here is a fresh round of recommendations of things I adored recently.

Everything Everywhere All at Once

As implied by its title, this multiverse movie is an overwhelming watch. A look at lives not lived, nihilism, and family that is alternately hilarious and sad, the film is a dizzying visually rich ride that will reward multiple viewings.

While it drip-feeds the rules of its central sci-fi concept, it otherwise adopts a breakneck pace, only stopping occasionally to let moments breathe. It quickly flashes through multiple worlds while also wildly shifting tone from surreal comedy to heart wrenching little human moments. It is a blast.

One of my favourite performances in the film comes from Ke Huy Quan. He is endearing as Waymond Wang, the patient husband taken for granted. I found his joviality against all odds so sweet and charming. I cannot wait to see what roles he gets next.

The Appeal by Janice Hallett

A contemporary murder mystery set in a local amateur dramatics group? What's not to love! The book creates a lovely and funny world which is a delight to visit (yes, even though there is a murder). As someone raised in a small village, the drama and gossip of this self-contained community definitely felt real.

The case is told entirely through press clippings, emails and texts which makes this a breezy read. While the book is framed through the device of junior lawyers reviewing the material, the messages always stay in the present, allowing you to experience the case as it develops. This is worth reading simply for the sheer novelty of this presentation.

The Late Shift and The War for Late Night by Bill Carter

Being on the wrong side of the Atlantic to have seen any episodes of Conan O'Brien's talk show, my entry point to him was YouTube clips. This was enough to win me over though, so I came to The War for Late Night, an account of the Jay Leno - Conan battle for The Tonight Show, completely biased. I was Team Coco all the way.

This book allowed me to appreciate the full story. While I remain a fan of Conan's, it helped me understand why Jay was liked and people fought to keep him. Even-handed and compellingly told, Bill Carter's play-by-play of how executives botched a second Tonight Show transition succeeds in making even television ratings seem interesting.

This was so well-written that it convinced me to buy its predecessor, The Late Shift (which covers Jay Leno and David Letterman's campaigns to succeed Johnny Carson). Despite being less invested in the players involved, I nevertheless found this just as engaging and read it quickly.

Always aware of how superficial the topic is (Jerry Seinfeld pops up in both books to highlight that what everyone is fighting over is, essentially, a desk and a chair), Carter clearly took great care to document this history thoroughly and seriously. These books are great reads if you are interested in television and showbiz.

Bob's Burgers

Bob's Burgers is such a wholesome show.  The cartoon's premise is simple: a family run a burger restaurant together.

To me however, what this show is truly about is unconditional love. Each of the family have their quirks, but they are accepted. Even if one of them objects to the cockamamie scheme of the week, they let the others get on with it as they appreciate it means something to them. People get angry, feel betrayed, but ultimately all is forgiven. The strength of their familial bond is never left in doubt.

We need more positivity like this generally, but also now in these Trying Times™. An uplifting series like this is a gift.

Being Bing: a Celebration of one hundred games of DnD

As of last Thursday, I have now played one hundred sessions of the DnD game I started with my best friends during lockdown. For over two hundred and fifty hours, I have experienced life as a child bard named Bing Whistles.

Before I discovered roleplaying games, I had never had a recurring part. School plays don't have sequels and I wrote few sketches with returning premises. Before Bing, I had not played many characters for multiple outings and those that I did were ones I had little input into shaping.

While the initial concept behind Bing was mine, he was developed with my sister, our dungeon master, and subsequently informed, as we are in real life, by the beings around us. Over the course of our games, I have had to decide how Bing reacts to the deeds and words of others. What delights him? What makes him ill at ease? Which lies is he willing to perpetuate?

After playing him regularly for almost two and a half years, I now have a strong sense of who he is and what he stands for. I can confidently justify actions with a clichéd cry of 'it's what my character would do!'. In this case, the thing he usually does is STRESS.

Oh, Bing is so worried! He worries about his family, his fellow adventurers, the prospect of war... RPGs can be a vehicle for wish fulfilment - you can create a character who is tall, confident, strong. I've unintentionally cast myself as someone small and anxious.

I never set out to create a homesick fretter. As you may be able to deduce from his name, Bing Whistles was a character initially built around a joke. My original concept was that he wanted to be a stage magician*. He lives in an universe where spellcasters abound - and he himself can cast many a powerful cantrip - but what he wants to do for a living is ask 'is THIS your card?'.

The name 'Bing Whistles' is in fact a stage name, one that could only have been generated by a child poorly ad-libbing, saying what they see nearby à la The Brady Bunch's George Glass. It is not a moniker to be intoned with respect or reverence - it's nonsensical.

In short, Bing Whistles was intended to be a little boy pursuing a job which, within a fantasy realm, was very silly indeed. A happy chap with a wholesome dream.

Well, you make plans and God laughs. While Bing would prefer to be known for his closeup magic, the incident of his that is brought up most often is that the first time he cast the spell Shatter, it made a man's head explode. No wonder he's a nervous wreck.

A perhaps unsurprisingly consequence of Bing being worried is that I in turn worry about him. There's a lot of pressure on the little guy. Bards have such an incredible range of abilities that the question for them is not so much 'can I help' but 'in which way shall I help?'.

Bing can use spells to hurt, heal, teleport, deafen, and silence. He can send messages across lands and banish enemies to demiplanes. Within six months of in-game time, he has brought four beings back to life. That is a huge amount of power for anyone to handle, let alone an eleven year old.

However, while he can save the lives of others, he cannot resurrect himself. This is his tragedy. At some point in the game, I will have to stop playing Bing Whistles. That is mine. Whether it's when our party can level up no more or in a battle where his body and soul are irredeemable, eventually I will end my run as Bing Whistles. I and my friends will experience this loss as we would with an actual death. It would be impossible not to having spent so many hours in his company.

I of course hope his final outing is not any time soon. I enjoy exploring the world through his eyes. I am curious to see how he grows. 

To that end, I started our one hundredth game with Bing realising it might be his birthday. He is now twelve!

By the end of the session, he had almost died three times. Plans, God, laughing, etc.

For now though, he lives and I love it. Being Brendan is pretty good but I am always excited to be Bing for a while. Even if I do wish he would learn to relax.


*No disrespect intended to this profession - my grandpa used to be a magician.

Five Things I loved this week

This past week I finally caught Covid. While I certainly don't recommend this experience, it did mean I had little choice but to stay at home and amuse myself. Here are a few of the things that kept me sane.

Fly By Night by Frances Hardinge

I've previously written about how much I adored A Skinful of Shadows, so, even though my generous sister had already gifted me five books (protip: befriend a bookseller), I borrowed this from her as well.

Guilds at war? A girl and her goose team up with a conman? This is very much My Shit.

This is a faux-historical romp with a couple of twists and some lovely concepts (locksmiths run a crime syndicate; everyone in town champions a different would-be monarch). Great fun.

No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood

An absorbing piece of autofiction that I read in one sitting. It is a novel that brilliantly captures how it feels to be Too Online, most obviously through presenting the story in short bursts so the snatches of thought resemble tweets on a feed.
Initially about the narrator's relationship with social media (Patricia Lockwood herself has multiple iconic tweets), the second half smoothly transitions into tragedy as the protagonist has to pull away from the internet and confront something real. An involving book with a strong authorial voice.

Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

A engaging nonfiction book explaining the futility of trying to manage your time. It outlines a persuasive argument for the best attitude to adopt if you are to make peace with the limited time we each have on Earth (which, if you are lucky enough to make it to eighty, will be four thousand weeks).

It includes multiple great points that I found convincing, one of which is that sometimes people are not fully immersed in an experience, such as a gig or an exhibit, because they are instead looking forward to looking back on the experience while still doing it.

An accessible interesting look at how to handle life.

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

I loved Bridesmaids, so this Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo movie has been on my list for a while.

Less grounded than Bridesmaids (which - and this is not a strike against it - features zero talking animals), this film is pure wholesome silliness. There's singing, disguises, and a flight-long discussion of a lady named Trish.

Goofy and joyous. A great pick me up.

Curtain: Poirot's Last Case

This is David Suchet's final TV outing as the Belgian detective and the last novel he needed to achieve his goal of filming the entire Poirot canon. It is a hell of a swansong - a dark tale with a deeply unpleasant unrepentant murderer, a case full of paranoia and jealousy.

The episode sets out its intriguing premise early: Poirot knows someone is set to die but does not know who. Setting the mystery as  as a race against time adds an air of desperation and urgency to the Hastings' gentle chats and eavesdropping. Can he help his ailing friend catch the killer?

The denouement has a few surprisingly devastating twists (and one silly one which is apparently true to the books). A satisfying conclusion to a character whose filmed adventures took twenty-four years to complete.

Thirty Life Lessons

Recently I turned thirty (“Whaaat? But you look so young!” Shush, that’s enough). I have heard two things about this next decade:

a) having experimented in your twenties and tried on many hats (figuratively, but, in my case, literally), you have a better understanding of who you are.

b) if you sleep in an awkward position once, you will be in pain for the rest of your life.

Now, I’m barely one month removed from reaching my fourth decade, so I cannot objectively assess either of these things. However, it would have been impossible to have passed three hundred and sixty months without gaining some opinions on how to do life.

Here then, entirely unsolicited and by zero existent demand, are thirty pieces of advice I try to live by.

Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.

Our lives are made up of racing and rests. It’s okay to take a break and scroll your phone. Doing nothing is as important as doing something “useful”. If we’re always productive, we will burn out.

Prioritise you and your health over everything and everyone (source: my current supervisor)

It is okay to cancel a DnD session if you have a headache. Your friends would rather postpone an event than you attend disengaged, exhausted, and aching.

If a crucial part of your company’s service would collapse in your absence as you’re a loadbearing employee, that is not on you. They need contingency plans and a more flexible structure in place.

You cannot look after others if you do not look after yourself. To this end…

Use your holiday leave and take time off work (especially if you live in Europe where you are entitled to almost a full month of annual leave a year!)

If you must have career regrets on your deathbed, make sure it’s not that you should have worked more days. Sporadic Bank Holidays and the Christmas break are not enough rest stops in the year to refuel you. Take time off for weddings, vacations, gigs (watching or performing), seeing family, or just pick a random day for a nice day out. Most of your memories should be made outside of work.

That said…
 
Work socials are crucial

If your workplace is anything like mine, your group chat is dominated by talk of scheduling, meetings, logistics – you know, the fun stuff. The times our teams feel closest to falling apart is when we discuss only that. We forget we are friends as well as partners and colleagues in an enterprise.

This is why we need the Friday night hang. The Christmas do. The pet pics on WhatsApp. It reminds us we are more than cogs in our shared machine. We are humans with lives and we like each other.
 
Not all friendships last forever

Sitcoms would have you believe teams stay intact for eight years. These shows usually end when found families part ways.

Some of your friends will leave the city - or the country. After uni, you may find some bonds were based purely on geography or a shared space or purpose. Not everyone in your life will stick around but the ones you endeavour to keep around and, equally, those that actively work to see you, they will be with you forever (or as long as you enjoy each other’s company) because…
 
It’s not what you do that matters, it’s who you do it with

A spa weekend could be stressful if your mate is ticked off. Two weeks in a sunny clime can be nice but your standout memory may be the messing around at the airport.

Some of my best birthdays were not built around events where we get to places at specific times. They were relaxed low pressure hangouts where we looked for something else when we were ready.

And I’m not anti-plans. I’m a rules-loving man who loves A Routine. If we’re meeting up though? Let’s just chat and goof around! Also…
 
Don’t obsess about the pictures

I reached a point where I would be at an event and be thinking of how great the photos shared on socials afterwards would be. This is no way to live.

What cured me of this mindset was pictures never arriving (turns out life can go on just fine without snapshots of me on a stage or at a do). Or worse – images came but there was no single perfect shot. I looked odd or a friend was squinting or it was otherwise unflattering for one of us so it was kinder to not share it.

Not everything has to be marked with a picture. By all means, let’s get a group selfie when we meet, but I accept now that not all meetups will result in a new album on Facebook. After all…
 
Not everything has to be #content

Being online all the time has encouraged us to share everything. In the absence of jokes or insight to offer, the easiest thing to post is things from your life. Whether there is any value to doing this (for you or anyone else) is rarely considered. You need to feed the content machine. You don’t exist if you do not constantly dispatch missives from your world.

I think it is fine to put everything on the web if you want. But what little I have to report, I’ll just share with friends.

Similarly…
 
No one needs to know you didn’t enjoy something

There is more than enough snark on the internet. In lieu of sharing something from your day, one sure-fire way to generate #content is to dismiss something. Denigrate someone’s looks or talent. Write off a movie that SUCKED.

It’s easy. Does it make you feel better? The dopamine hits of reactions may but they are fleeting.

The cliché is true – if you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all. If I hated a show, you will never hear a word about it from me. However, if I adored something or appreciated an element of what they did, I’ll pass it on. I only put out recommendations.

Wouldn’t you exude that energy? Be an advocate and…
 
Enjoy things unashamedly and wholeheartedly

I find it endearing when a friend is a fan of something to the extent it forms part of their identity. I can only dream of being so into something that the sight and thought of it brings you intense joy.

Granted, if your passion of choice is harmful, immoral, or illegal, I’m less inclined to encourage it, but otherwise, GO FOR IT. Buy the t-shirt, attend the convention. Decorate your life with what you like as…

It’s not a useless or frivolous purchase if it sparks joy (again, granted, unless it’s harmful, immoral, or illegal…)

Look, you don’t need a soap dish that looks like a lily pad (that said, now I’m picturing one, that does seem delightful). If it will make you smile every time you see it though, it is totally worth it.

It’s your money, your choice. So start that collection!

My vice? Blind bag of Lego minifigures. I don’t buy them constantly – I’m keen to ensure they remain a treat rather than routine – but if there’s a series or design that I like, I’ll buy one. I, quite literally…
 
Delight in the small things

When I am on holiday, I take shots of my friends, but most of my pictures are of punning shop names, interesting museum plaques, or baffling graffiti.

It is the little things that stand out. The most inspiring speech may stir a crowd, but if the speaker’s voice accidentally cracked on the word ‘action’, you can bet that’s all I will recall.

Paying attention to details is a crucial quality for most jobs, but such awareness is important generally to ensure you always see interesting stuff. Focus and it will pay off. That applies to speaking too…
 
Have one conversation at a time

One valuable lesson I learnt from practicing improv is that talking is not a competition. It is far more fulfilling to discuss one topic than taking it in turns to introduce your tangentially related anecdote.

I would rather we chat about one thing instead of several even if I have little to offer on a subject. If I ask questions that I am interested in getting answers to, I will never get bored, plus I might learn something. Not sure about this approach?
 
Try it, you might like it

Ah, another irritating bit of homespun wisdom – and all the more annoying because it is true.

In my life, this initial reluctance has applied to pizza (hot bread topped with vegetables mixed with cheese? Sounds weird); table service (don’t make me talk to strangers!); customer support (don’t make me talk to angry strangers!).

As it turns out, pizza is great, stepping out from behind the bar to write down some food orders really helps my colleagues, and customer queries can be like mini mysteries to be solved! Albeit cases where the answer is often ‘it’s THERE. You already have it. You’re just looking in the wrong place!’.

You may actually enjoy bungee jumping, but you will not find out until you leap off the platform.
 
It’s healthy to break routines

Being comfortable is not always good. You cannot stay in a hot bath forever because you will wrinkle and the water will go cold. Some conditions must change.

After the world reopened, I continued largely working from home. I was able to convince myself that staying in permanently was great and sporadic video calls were an adequate substitute for offline human interaction. Being inside was safe and who doesn’t like being safe?!

I have since been convinced to leave my room and commute in a few times a week. I now enjoy the benefits of something crucial for any job: someone to rant with.
 
You need someone to affirm your shared experience

Whether it’s a sibling agreeing that aspects of your upbringing were stressful or a colleague co-signing your frustration that lunch break is mandated for 4PM, you need a second party to go ‘you’re right, that is weird’.

To vent instead of keeping in something toxic? It’s not just for noxious gases – it works for humans too.

If feeling heard is not sufficient, one possible solution to destress...

You need nights off (even from something fun)

Most of our day is spent at work, so naturally we’re desperate to make our nights worthwhile. That’s OUR time. We EARNT this.

Of course, your social life can be as draining as your job if you overschedule yourself. Just because you once agreed to commit Tuesdays to archery practice does not mean you are obliged to attend every week until you die. Grab an early night instead of your kit. Your body will thank you.

Speaking of slowing down…
 
It’s better to be late than The Late (source: my granddad)

People would rather be put out by a delay than mourn you because your haste meant you didn't check for oncoming cars before stepping out into the road.

Semi-related…
 
Work to your own timeline

I am thirty and have only recently found a stable job with office hours. Some of my Sixth Form peers are thirty and have houses / married / kids. Not only do we do things at our own pace, we may not have the same priorities.

Comparison is the thief of joy (source: Teddy Roosevelt). Work on yourself and you will be ready to, should you want it, get into a relationship or accept that promotion. To that end…
 
Continuity can be an achievement.

Continuing to stay in one role or keeping up a hobby takes work. If you find where you are at satisfying, you do not need to level up. Some of us are content maintaining our little corner of the world. I am happy helping run an improv jam. I am not looking to become an improv teacher.
 
It is okay to keep something as a hobby.

Self-explanatory.
 
Accept your limits.

My grandma reiterates in most phone calls that she thinks I should be an actor.

Here is the thing – I know I have a limited range. I can do happy-go-lucky naïve waif or dry reserved dogsbody. I could work on expanding beyond them, but those are my sweet spots.

Would I turn down a run at the Edinburgh Fringe? Well, no, but…
 
Question the Why of your desires

Playing at the Edinburgh Fringe seems to be quite a common career milestone among my performer peers. It is one I too occasionally covet, but when I consider the core appeal of that dream, it’s not the opportunity to be talent spotted nor the chance to bump into Them Off the Telly. No, it is the prospect of doing a show a lot of times. Which I can achieve for way cheaper at the Camden Fringe.

Not that I would ever discourage pals to head to Scottish stages. Not at all! If they want to…
 
Good for them. That’s not for me

Work a job with a purpose

Before I got my office job, I did a five-year stint as a restaurant bartender. I tolerated it in part because it was straightforward.

What do I do? Make drinks. How do I know I have done it well? The drink was correct and made quickly.

It was not anyone’s dream to be there, but you knew at the end of the shift that you had Achieved a Thing. It was also reassuring to remember that…
 
Nothing must be for forever.

I accept that some people's options for change are limited by their finances, location, or family circumstances, but those that you can control, you can change.

You can drop out of the Tuesday night archery because the long drive sucks. You can leave a troupe if there’s toxic people. You can quit your unfulfilling job if the buddies that made it alright have all moved on.

Sometimes stability is not a good enough reason to maintain the status quo. Things change...

People move on (so you have to be self-sufficient)

Relationships end. Friends move away. Your supervisor can change department.

Sometimes you will have to amuse yourself or be in charge of deciding what to work on. Make as many friends as you can handle but accept that sometimes you will have to make your own fun.

Here’s the good and bad news: no one is thinking of you (source: various, but most recently, this Pearls Before Swine comic)

You are a unique complex individual with lots of thoughts and commitments and chores. And so is EVERYONE ELSE.

So yes, you won’t necessarily be on people’s minds all the time because they’re BUSY. However, this also means they’re probably not dwelling on that embarrassing thing you did that makes you cringe at night.

If you want to keep them in your sphere, great! Get in touch, acknowledge the occasional social media post, wish them a happy birthday (only on the day, obviously). If you do meet...
 
Tell people how you are really feeling.

If asked ‘how are you’, instead of completing the ritual with the expected ‘not bad. How are you?’, I take a second, then answer honestly.

It’s important to know what energy or baggage someone is bringing to a room. I won’t know to be patient to someone if they did not tell me they had a bad night’s sleep.

You know why you might not sleep well? Pain, so...

Sit up straight.

You’re thirty, after all. You don’t want to fuck up your back.