Given that I was in France, I also saw a lot of baguettes and cheese

If I've learnt anything from being a student, it's that lists are useful. If I had to stretch to a second thing, it would be that if you need something, you can probably find it in Poundland, but enough of my blatant attempt to get sponsorship from one of Britain's leading discount stores.

I recently (or, depending on when you're reading this, ages ago) posted a few photos from my holiday in France. Now, these were accompanied a list seemingly compiled by pulling words out of a hat.The following one, also of things I saw whilst across the Channel, promises more of the same, but without the pics. Oh, don't complain, just get on and read.

I saw...

*An octopus made of bread

*A combine harvester made of straw

*Stalactites

*Stalagmites

*One of the only cave-dwelling vertebrates in Europe

*A woman who evidently thought it was a good idea to bring her terrier on a cavern tour

*A road sign bearing the silhouette of a sheep

*A deck chair marked 'private'

*A road sign for a speed bump which had been altered to depict a snail

*A door knocker in the shape of a hand

And, finally...

*A beggar with a sign reassuring us that any money we gave him would be spent on alcohol and drugs


Yes, you're right. It was a lot better when there were pictures.

Reads like a 'Where's Wally' game held across the whole of France

One quality often identified in a good writer is that they are observant. I hadn't noticed.

Anyway, regardless, I have observed a lot of things whilst away (as opposed to a Way, which I've been all my life) in France, so I thought I'd share a few of the more quirky things with you. Why? Well, it means I get to show some of my holiday snaps, and you can get to see some interesting things without having to wait for me to work out when exactly it was I spotted a dead cat. Everybody wins!

Except the cat. Obviously.

Right, on with the list!

I saw...

A CONTRADICTORY REVIEW

 

A DISABLED KNIGHT

 A PLANT POT WITH A FACE

A HOUSE THAT LOOKS LIKE HITLER

THE WORLD'S MOST UNAPPEALING MANNEQUIN

AND THIS PIECE OF UNDERWHELMING GRAFFITI.

On second thought, it's probably a tribute to the deceased tabby. May they rest in peace.



This blog courtesy of Writer Brendan

You need many things to succeed in show biz. A combination of luck and talent. The desire to perform. Compromising photos of various producers. What also helps is a kickass name.

You've got to have something memorable. For example, 'Norma Jean Mortenson' is certainly that, but for all the wrong reasons. It's only when Ms Mortenson became Marilyn Monroe that people really started paying attention. It's a great name for a star - 'Marilyn' sounds like someone glamorous. 'Norma' sounds like she should be taking trash out to the bins round the back of a diner.

Anyway, this is all a roundabout way of getting round to talking about someone who obviously hadn't thought about what title would look good on posters or draw in a crowd. This person really hasn't a clue when it comes to advertising themselves because the moniker they'd chosen for themselves was...

Magic Dave.

Ooh, sounds exciting, doesn't he? I bet the punters are really going to flock to see him in Vegas.

Seriously, Magic Dave? That's the least exciting bit of branding since Jif became Cif. You can't simply stick a word related to your act to your name. Do I go around calling myself Laughs Brendan? No, because that would be idiotic. Also, it reads like an out of order stage direction. Magic Dave is not a good name. You can't call yourself 'Magic', you have to earn that description.

Also, 'Dave'. Dave, like Norma, isn't exactly a name you expect to see up in lights. On the chalk board to next play snooker perhaps, but not one you'd see above the theatre doors. Believe me, David Copperfield would not sell as many tickets if he was billed as 'Dave'. Dave is not a magician, it's a TV channel of blokey shows. If you're going to stick to being known as Dave, your repartee better be pretty funny. If it's not, I certainly won't be Laughs Brendan.