How to Create a Scripted Podcast: Three Quick Tips

When I first started working on Dead Drunk Detective back in 2016, I had a couple of scripts, a vague desire to be on Radio 4, and an excellent producer in Podcast Pioneers. Four series later and I still have all of these, but with a little additional knowledge about how to create a show.

While few of you will be looking to produce a zombie noir sitcom (at least, I hope not or else we will be direct competitors), some people may be curious about how to start their own show. Which is why I thought I would share what I have learnt.

Here are my three quick tips for creating a scripted podcast. I am aware everyone's creative process is different, so, rather than get specific (“day one: what's the title?”), I have opted for general advice.

Plan stuff in advance but give yourself the freedom to discover things along the way.

Before I write episodes in full, I know each Case Of The Week that will solved by the detective. I will also have planned the overall season arc and have vague notions about the nature of the challenge posed by this year’s Big Baddie. However, the identity of that villain is usually something I discover organically. Maybe a character is so fun to write for that I want to bring them back. Perhaps their encounter with the protagonist in an earlier episode gives them a logical motive to want to bring about his downfall.

So, while I am a huge fan of planning and structuring scripts before you write them, the outline should be a safety net, not a cage.

Keep the amount of voices in a scene to a minimum.

While writing, you should be focusing on the script’s contents, but you must also remember to keep one eye on how it will eventually be produced.

Think what the recording setup in the room may be. You will probably be working with a small number of microphones, so scenes with a lot of voices will require cast to share or step in and out of range. While mildly impractical, you could make it work – producers can edit out any pauses or awkward shuffling – but if the script calls for too much of this, it could throw off the rhythm of the acting.

Characters with only a few lines – say, a waiter in a café scene – should be cut or be played by someone already in the cast.

Don’t announce the show until you’re late into the production process. 

This is just a personal rule of mine. Partly, it’s to do with ego - if a project collapses, then people won’t know you’ve failed - but it also means you can keep people engaged. Announcing the Thing close to its release date means your potential audience remember that it’s coming and know when to look for it. It’s easier to sustain momentum and excitement with ‘episodes start on Monday!’ than ‘new series coming Autumn 2021!’. Make your show a lovely surprise.

That's all of my advice. Best of luck to anyone creating a show! Unless it's about an inebriated undead sleuth. In which case, I'll see you in court.

This Ad's Use of Punctuation is "Good"

Are the double speech-marks meant to suggest this message is sarcastic? If so, that means...

There isn't an "offer".

Even if there was, you can't get it "often".

Which is most likely due to it not being "available".

Why would anyone shop here? I can only guess that the mythical rare offer must be AMAZING. And not "amazing".

TIHSPITFOAL: Bath and Bristol

I went to Bath and Bristol, saw some things. Here's some of the things!

Historical passive-aggressiveness

Inept censorship 

 

A bit of an overreaction

A dog that has seen. some. shit.

And a bin with issues.

THE BOOTH - 3.0 - Summer Special

THEME: Summer.

WHO'S IN?: The Booth's most frequent inmates, Clare and Dan.

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE BOOTH?:

• The original studio, as per the previous edition, burnt down.
• The new studio cannot be found on search engines because The Booth's physical location is a secret.
• There are no doctors in The Booth, but Brendan can offer you plasters and paper towels.

FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING: The anecdote-off is no longer rigidly structured into good time/bad time/weird time. Instead, all stories must simply broadly be about, or take place in, summer (this episode's theme). There is also no Weird Thought segment.

SIX DEGREES OF THE BOOTH: 

• The team discuss the aftermath of The Booth's original fiery finale and explain how the show was able to return.
• Clare acknowledges that she usually never wins the show.

NEXT UP: Despite Clare insisting Booth 2.0/The ReBooth/The New-th is a go, there are currently no firm plans for a full series. Further specials are a possibility, but nothing out soon. In the meantime, check out Dead Drunk Detective, the show I created since The Booth's original run.

UPDATE: There was indeed an additional special.

This episode can be found for free here.

TIHSPITFOAL: Scottish edition

I went to Edinburgh, Linlithgow, and Dundee. I saw some things! Here are a few of them.

A rave on Noah's Ark

A comprehensive poll

A drunk unicorn

An unlikely fate for a sitcom star

A whistling shrimp

The Beano's best catchphrase

A smug lion

And a museum having an existential crisis.

Goodbye, Wisconsin! (a That '70s Show review)

‘Hanging out/down the street/the same old thing/we did last week’

When I was at uni, a friend turned me on to something great. No, not drugs. That '70s Show. I'd never heard of it, let alone seen it, which is quite surprising considering I'm quite the comedy aficionado.

Every time I went round to his flat, we’d (aptly enough, given the show’s main location) go to his basement and watch a disc. After uni, these visits became less frequent. Once I moved to London, they stopped altogether.

I hadn’t finished the series. I remembered it being good though, so I asked for the box set for my birthday. Bizarrely the version my mum found was the German release. It had subtitles and the original dub though, so I started binging.

Not a death threat to Swilden Siebziger.

I soon was doing three discs a night, three nights in a row.

This show is unlike any sitcom I’ve seen before. The people feel so real. When characters argue, their spat isn’t some Fight Of The Week that is resolved before the final credits. They hold grudges. They mope. They break up and get back together and break up again. At times, it was like a very funny soap.

This is a show that’s not afraid to take its time, sit in a silence, or slowly bring characters together. The scripts smartly write in and around people’s absences. The creative team have a long memory, so each of the gang are rightly called out as hypocrites when mocking others for something they previously did.

The writing is incredibly consistent. Sure, there were arcs I didn’t like, couplings I didn’t buy. The finale is part clip show which I feel wastes time which could otherwise be spent giving us one more moment with our onscreen friends. But really, there weren’t any episodes that were ‘meh’. They’re all decent right into, and including, the eighth series which infamously struggled due to the loss of two key cast members.

Speaking of which, I don’t hate the character of Randy as much as The Internet seems to, but I do wish he’d been given more flaws. To that end, I very much share Kitty’s opinion of him ‘he's so charming and friendly and always willing to lend a helping hand. What a jackass’.

Stupid sexy Randy.

This show did so much right and very little wrong. Plus, they really struck lucky with the cast. Everyone in that ensemble proves they are worth a place in the team. They commit and sell every line. I could single out Ashton Kutcher as one of the best – this series really showcases his gift for physical comedy – but truly each of the team are great. They make their characters so endearing you mostly overlook their seedier sides (I still find Fez a little unsettling).

While this may not be my favourite show - that honour goes to 30 Rock - it has certainly jumped straight into my top five. Kelso playing with six dogs at once ranks as one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen, as does his repeated failed attempts to understand what his dad’s job is. I found myself heavily emotionally invested in Eric and Donna’s relationship and hoped so much they’d work things out. I appreciate that the adults weren’t portrayed as sexless dullards, but instead were as sympathetic and screwed up as the kids.

This show was smart and treated its viewers as such. I’m sad it’s over. I'm really going to miss hanging out in the basement.

Last Night at Gunner's Wood

The first paragraph is a status I posted online that someone said sounded like the start of a story. Here is that story.

Because of improv, the first thing a stranger asked me today was ‘didn’t I see you get murdered in the woods?’. At least I HOPE that was because of improv.

I laugh (too loudly) and pretend to read my paper when in reality I was trying to figure out how long until the bus' next stop.

‘No, seriously’, the randomer insists, ‘were you near Gunner’s Wood last night?’

I faux-casually look up as if noticing her for the first time. ‘Me? No… Stayed home. Bake Off night.’

The bus pulls in. Finally. I leap up, then turn back as I walk off. ‘Sorry!’

*

After my show that evening, keen to avoid the risk of bumping into her again, I book a taxi to take me home.

As we take a series of seemingly endless country roads, I can’t help but worry if the woman had in fact witnessed a murder (if not actually my own). Eventually I decide I have to find out for myself.

‘Could we, er, divert via Gunner’s Wood?’

My driver nods, silently spins the wheel, and flicks on his indicators.

Am I really doing this? Should I be doing this? Let’s do this.

‘Stop here, please.’

We have reached the start of the woods. I get out. ‘Keep the meter running. I’ll only be a minute.’

I rush in searching for freshly turned over soil, dark stains, scraps of cloth. If something had happened here, there had to be an obvious sign.

After spotting nothing, I realise I’m paranoid. This is nonsense. Of course there was nothing. The woman must have seen me in a gig. Either that or she’s a rambling bumpkin who’s had one too many –

Hang on. Is that a finger poking out the ground? I bend down to examine it.

The crunch of leaves behind me suggests I’m not alone. I look. It’s my driver.

‘It’s fine, I’m coming back. You’ll get your money.’

‘Oh, I’m not too worried about that, sir. I was more thinking about who you’re going to tell about finding my ex-wife.’

‘Your… Oh, I’m terribly sorry. How did she –’

‘Painfully and slowly. Just how I wanted.’ He grins, revealing two rows of sharp teeth. I know now I should have stayed in the car.

I stand, put my hands up. ‘I’ll tell no one, I swear.’

‘You’re damn right you won’t…’ He draws out a long knife.

As he advances towards me, over his shoulder, I see a bus drive by. And, if I’m not mistaken, looking through one of the windows, is an old woman simply mouthing the word ‘sorry’.