At best, I find them mildly amusing.

Up until today, I had no idea what I was doing for Jubilee weekend - that is, until, I recieved this in the post:

Animals not to scale (I hope).

Of course! How better to mark sixty years of the queen's reign than by taking in some farmers and falcolnry for three days of good old-fashioned country fun? It's certainly not a patch on what her maj will be doing, no siree. Yes, she can keep her star-studded concert, new massive yacht, and piles of presents, because we've got ferret racing.

Yes, one of the attractions, amongst tractor demonstrations, puppets shows, and something called gundog scurries, is ferret racing. Wow. Whoever said new technologies had dulled our minds certainly was wrong, eh?

Mind you, that's not the most worrying amusement at this supposedly superb family day out. One particular image in this extensive leaflet appears to have been put in at random as it does not seem to correspond to any of the fun-filled activities listed below. See if you can spot it.

I've never flown a hawk before. I've ridden a plane though.

I am, of course, referring to this:

'Yep, that's, er, definitely a rabbit.'

What exactly is going on here? Are the 'fur and feather marquees', instead of being tents made of animal coats, set up for this sort of display? Did this vet (I'm hoping he's a vet, rather than just some bloke in a lab coat) bring the bunny, or do people take their pets to him to be identified? Is he in fact a butcher considering how long to cook the furry thing? This photo raises all sorts of questions without ever hinting at an answer.

That's not the best picture though. The award for most baffling image must go to this:

I have never seen someone so captivated by an angling demonstration. He must be faking it. Maybe he was promised sweets if he can make fishing appeal to his peers. Either way, I'm convinced - I'm booking my advanced ticket straight away.

As for the best line, well, that goes to a little phrase that convinces me that the editor was ensuring each section hit a certain word count. After all, why on earth would you make such an outrageous sweeping statement as...