A review of 'TOY STORY' (but not the one you're thinking of)

The year was 1997. I was but a boy who loved a certain hit animation film. It inspired me to make my acting début. That performance wasn't reviewed but if it had been, it would have definitely sounded a bit like this...

When reflecting on this production and the début of its young star, Brendan Way, the first word that springs to mind is ‘Nepotism’. The show is rife with it. For instance, said performer, apparently unsatisfied with simply playing the lead role (that of all-American hero, Sheriff Woody) also took it upon himself to direct and write the piece as well. Not only that, he cast his relatives and toys in the rest of the other roles. His parents have parts. His stuffed animals have parts. Even his brothers – including one who is barely a year old, have parts. This version of hit animation Toy Story then, if it wasn’t already obvious, is very much a family affair. This indulgent creative decision would not matter however if the play, an adaption of the picture book of the film, was any good. Alas the script (which is, a reliable source informs me, for no clear reason, written in large red font) reads like it has been, and indeed probably was, copied out verbatim. As for the acting, well, whoever said one should never work with animals or children was today never proven so right. The baby, for one, rarely looked focused and at some points might even have gone to sleep.

This of course brings us to our star. Having neglected to allow his ensemble the luxury of a rehearsal, he splits his stage time between reading his lines (it seems none of the company bothered to memorise a single syllable of their speech) and running the show. His first foray into the limelight as a result is hard to judge as he never is fully “on”. Saying that, and not taking into consideration his relative youth (he is only five after all), based on this display of so-called “talent” alone, I would advise he give up and go home. Luckily, given that this one-off took place in his lounge, he doesn’t have far to go. 2/5 stars. Would not recommend.

What a Novel idea!

Last month, many budding authors worldwide attempted NaNoWriMo in which you must attempt to produce fifty thousand words of a new novel. I did not. However, should I ever be inclined to tackle this challenge, I think you'll agree I've a pretty solid pitch...


CHAPTER ONE
Something exciting happens so you keep reading. Seriously, the book won't get good again until Chapter Five when we flashback to the same event but somehow it is just as tense. Anyway, given that this is a prologue in all but name we don't meet our main character yet.

CHAPTER TWO
We meet our main character.

CHAPTER THREE
Our main character gets closer to actually hearing about what happened in Chapter One but doesn't quite yet because we've got to introduce the other quirky people in his world first so you know he has a life outside of his job or whatever it is he pursues in this book.

CHAPTER FOUR
He learns about the thing from a newspaper or a colleague or whatever. He goes to interview a witness who, well, witnessed it.

CHAPTER FIVE
THE FLASHBACK HAPPENS. MY GOD, IT'S TENSE.

CHAPTER SIX
Main character investigates the cause behind the thing. This again is nowhere as interesting as the beginning of the story. He will basically do this until Chapter Ten.

CHAPTER TEN
The main character finds and fights the baddie because there must be a villain or else it's not a proper novel. The main character inevitably wins.

OR DOES HE?

Yes, yes he does.

CHAPTER ELEVEN
There's a bit of talking. If this was on TV, people would have switched over by now.

My next book will be out in six months.

You should buy it so I don't have to get a proper job.

THE END.


Thoughts?

I Went to London (again) and Saw...

A novel way of keeping us protected from the Red (and black) Menace

Adam West looking a lot younger than I remembered

Angry wizards

Proof that pigeons aren't the capital's biggest problem

A sexy robot

Too many hats

And the devastating fate of Elwood from The Blues Brothers.

THE BOOTH - I'd like to thank...

Well, that’s it. The Booth is no more. Not only is it literally burnt to the ground, it in another sense is over because I will not be producing any further editions. I made twelve episodes – that’s a run to match Fawlty Towers (and we bettered them by not mentioning The War at all). You’ve had four hundred and eighteen minutes of free entertainment from me. That’s almost seven hours (or, to put it another way, almost two whole Lord of the Rings films).

Only one of these people made it out alive.

Anyway, that’s your lot. I’ll start releasing something brand new soon but you can rest assured it won’t see me trapped in a studio trying to think of punning questions based on an ever-decreasing supply of themes. Until then though, there’s the mandatory acceptance speech-type list of thanks you…

Ah, Antosh, Dan, Sam, Scott, Chris, James, Mark, Davis, Kora, Charlie, Clare, Indy, Connor, and Milli.

Between them they’ve been accused of being racist, almost suffocated during a production of Macbeth, accidentally punched a customer, invented a game involving nudity, played Ready Steady Cook at a house party, scared me with their Weird Thought, lived in a caravan, gone into a random old man’s car, adopted a gnome, been tricked by gypsies, met Tim Minchin, smoked e-cigarettes, quacked at strangers, and took part in a water fight that resulted in one participant suffering a bloody injury. They’ve certainly led exciting lives which is fortunate or else they would have had nothing to talk about. To them, I extend a big Thank You. There literally wouldn’t be a show without you lot.

Thanks to Tim Berners-Lee for giving us the internet - I particularly love the ease with which I can instantly access pictures of kittens.

Thanks to anyone who listened to the show or even read this blog*.

Thanks to Mark for some sound advice.

I’ve been Brendan Way. This has been The Booth. Goodbye!


*Microsoft Word wants me to believe this sentence is a question. It isn’t. I am positive I want to thank you.

THE BOOTH - 2.6. - Best Story Ever Special

THE BOOTH - 2.6.

THEME: Best Story Ever.

WHO'S IN?: The first ever pair of contestants and the last held inmate.

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE BOOTH?: There's no water in The Booth. Clare is fenced off in a corner. I pass time by writing statistics in my diary and walking around whilst imagining I have a pedometer.

FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING: Not everyone gets a Weird Thought (Antosh's ended up cut for time).

SIX DEGREES OF THE BOOTH: 

• Last week Indy joked she'd return to set the Booth alight. Now it turns out she wasn't kidding.
• I say I have previously given points for a second story before - the first instance of this was in Episode 3.
• Kora previously said I needed to get a vicar on. In this episode, Clare reveals she put her name on the ministry database.
• There's a callback to the pilot.

NEXT WEEK: Well, nothing. The Booth, both the show and the titular studio, is over. It was such a blast to do. Thanks to everyone involved and to anyone who took the time to listen. Without you, it would just be me on my own talking to myself to no end. And I can do that at home!

This episode can be found here. It is available for a few weeks to download for free here.

THE BOOTH - 2.5. - University Special

THE BOOTH - 2.5.

THEME: University.

WHO'S IN?: Millie, Indy, and Connor Way.

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE BOOTH?: There's no medicine in the room. We have an aftershow party. All of us were naked in this recording. Connor has drawn nobs on the wall.

FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING: There's three guests.

SIX DEGREES OF THE BOOTH: During Chris' Weird Thought about colour blindness, I referred to a flatmate who does Psychology. Millie is that flatmate and it is she who told me she was taught nothing is real and that it's all just assigned labels. Then again she also said that I am my brain so maybe she's just trying to confuse me.

NEXT WEEK: In a move Dan described as throwing away the show's format completely, I invite panelists to tell their BEST STORY EVER.

This episode can be found here. It is available for a few weeks to download for free here.

THE BOOTH - 2.4. - Festive Days

THE BOOTH - 2.4.

THEME: Festive Days.

WHO'S IN?: Clarrisa and Charles.

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE BOOTH?: There's no food except for my personal supply. The series and the contributors are all products of my imagination. This whole series has been a dream.

FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING: I find the original Weird Thoughts so distinctly, well, unweird, that I eventually award the point for best contribution in the round.

SIX DEGREES OF THE BOOTH: I refer to the time that Charlie played God, an incident Dan previously detailed in episode 2. I reprise my Sports Day story. Dan gets his third consecutive mention of the series. Plus, in the space of two weeks, Charlie's play has changed from Measure to Measure to Hamlet. That's show business!

NEXT WEEK: In a University Special, I am joined by my housemates. Well, I say 'housemates', I don't have a house. I live in The Booth.

This episode can be found here.