And the award for the Second Paradox I've Found This Month goes to...

Surely if it cleans itself, we shouldn't have to do the work.

Unless it's not a self-cleaning area in which case why put up the sign?

Look, either we have to put rubbish in the bins or the area does it for you. Which is it? Do I dispose of this crisp wrapper myself? Will some sort of robot butler do it for me?  Am I really overestimating what technology is available yet?

Which is possible. I did once expect my phone's predictive text to recognise the word 'hooray'...

Jock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

I received a text recently that said the following: Never trust a Scot.

Intriguing.

I should immediately hasten to explain that this missive didn't come completely out of the blue and in fact was a reply to a previous message. I don't tend to make a habit of receiving random vaguely-threatening bits of advice.

Anyway, this seemingly simple sentence has caused me no end of grief. Let me explain my problem with it. If a Scot tells you never to trust a Scot, then we potentially have a paradox.

If you follow his advice and do not trust it, then you have, inexplicably, trusted it.

If you do not follow his advice, it suggests you do not trust it, which means you have, once again, taken it to heart.

The only solution to this riddle then is to listen to no one ever again.

Then again, that advice once more brings us to a paradox...

If I say 'do not listen to anyone' then how can you follow this instruction without first hearing it from me?

If you decide I am the final person you will listen to before ignoring future speakers, then why take my word as superior to others?

If you take my statement to be inherently cynical, why not dismiss me too?

If - ah, all this thinking is giving me a headache. These paradoxes are more confusing than a mime in a house of mirrors. I'm afraid the juries still out on Scots, folks. If one approaches you - I don't know - just give them the advice and run away whilst they ponder it. That's what did I did. I haven't seen my phone since...