Fifty Shades of Way 2: Way-hey!

Having previously been challenged to write an erotic scene of no more than one hundred words (the result of which can be found here), I have since returned to cap off 2012 by producing this sequel. Why? To see if I could improve on a classic.

Well, that and it was pointed out to me that its predecessor was in fact not an erotic scene and merely a prelude to one. Anyway, here's my follow-up.

Once we finished up our foreplay, our bodies were glistening. Every part of me, apart from the obvious part, was relaxed, but soon it would offer no more resistance than the rest of me. I slipped myself in and we established instantly the first beat of the methodical rhythmical pounding that comes when two partners are so in sync.

Our tempo increases. Our moans grow louder. Both of us cry with ecstasy as we together achieve the release we desperately needed and sought in each other's arms.

It is over. In ten minutes, we shall do this all over again.

The Joke(r)'s On Me

The last thing the Joker remembered was falling.

As he came round to consciousness, he realised he was in unfamiliar surroundings. This new place was dark. Good. The Joker liked the dark. He could do a lot under the cover of shadows.

A very familiar voice pipes up behind him.

'Have a good sleep?' enquires the guttural rasp of the caped crusader. Before the Joker could reply with something equally sarky, another, more chirpy, voice chips in.

'Holy maniac, Batman! We've got the crazy clown.'

The dark knight sighed and turned to his young protege.

'Robin?'

'Yes, Batman?'

'What did we say about you talking during interrogations?'

The Boy Wonder strokes his hairless chin in thought.

'Hmm... Was it that I shouldn't do it?'

'Correct. Now shut it or I'll hit you, understood?'

Robin is about to agree but, upon seeing his mentor's raised backhand, settles on nodding instead. This settled, Batman returns his attention to the Joker. Leaning in so he is face to face with his insane nemesis, he drags a finger down his captive's forehead. This done, he pulls back slightly and looks at his prisoner with disgust.

'My god, you're greasy.'

Robin gasps. 'Holy Happy Meals! Maybe he's smuggling deep fat fryers to fast food fans?'

Batman whips round to his protege.

'Shut up!'

He slaps Robin firmly round the face. The boy collapses. He certainly won't be butting in for a while. Now Batman can fully focus on the Joker.

'Okay, Joker, what's the deal? Why are you so greasy?'

The villain grins. 'What, you think a guy can organise the destruction of the whole of Gotham without breaking a sweat? Give me a break. Most days I'm moister than a teenager's armpit.'

Batman shuddered. Now that was an image he'd be unlikely to forget. He tries to shake it off, then realises something.

'Hang on you fiend, sweat isn't the same as grease. What on earth is on your face?'

The Joker sniffs. Batman does the same. This time, he knows why there's an odd smell in the cave.

'Petrol.'

'Got it in one, Batfreak. I'm covered in fuel.'

'Why?'

'I've been nicking the mayor's automobiles and draining them.'

'But-'

The Joker shoots him a look to indicate he should be quiet now. He chuckles.

'Did I ever tell you how I got these cars?'

Both protagonist and antagonist are silent for a moment. After said moment, Batman speaks.

'I really hope the whole point of this story wasn't just to make that pun.'

'If it is, we should kill the writer.'

'Agreed.'

They wait. Neither has any bright ideas about how this plot progresses. Eventually, Batman unties the Joker.

'Okay, let's get that hack.'

'Alright! Can we take your car?'

'Only after you shower. I don't want you dripping on the seats.'

'Okay.'

The two sworn enemies walk out united by a common cause: the desire to whup my ass. Oh, this is going to be so cool...



This story was produced after someone challenged me to write a situation in which Batman says to the Joker 'My god, you're greasy'. Following this, another person asked for the 'Shut up'/Robin slap to be incorporated too.

The pun was entirely my idea.