Once again, the movie billed for Film Club fails to feature majorly
in the feature. This time however, it is not due to our tangents, but because
of technical difficulties. Yes, Episode Six is supposed to be about Toy Story, but, thanks to the machines,
the trilogy barely gets a mention in the material that remains. Consequently, like bakers used to mix bread with sawdust to
compensate for the lack of quality ingredients, it is filled out with a longer opening.
Incidentally, we only ever intended to produce introductions
for Episodes One and Six to explain why we jump in without proper openings. We
were then going to record a brand new edition. As it happened, Chris didn’t
show, so James and I went ahead with the planned preludes before deciding that
they were so much fun that we’d do a full set.
As of yet, there are no plans to produce this final show.
With James heading off to learn how to teach English, and Chris and I set
for multiple projects outside of our third year workload, it is unlikely that
we will manage to get together for a recording any time soon. Who knows, we
might reunite in a decade or so, but, for now, we can only imagine what that
seventh edition would have been like. I have. Here’s my version.
-Chris moans when I mention Daniel Radcliffe has expressed
an interest in playing Marty McFly if there’s ever a reboot.
-Panel devise the most unsuitable cast for a modern remake of the film.
-I reveal the time travel device in an early draft was a fridge.
- Panel slag off Indiana Jones 4.
-In Taglines, James gets them all because he’s a massive fan of the eighties.
-Our debate on sequels to long-dead franchises consists of despairing about Ghostbusters 3 and pondering how
desperate Eddie Murphy must be if he signs on to Twins 2.
-In Box Office, Chris rejoices that Avengers
is finally out. Massive geeky conversation entails, most of which is cut.
-Panel use the inclusion of Safe in
the top ten as an excuse to do Jason Statham impressions.
-James spends the majority of Trailer Trash’s coverage of Men in Black III reciting the Fresh
Prince theme.
-We wrap up with a list of people to thank in the style of an Oscar speech…
Yes, to conclude the show (and, potentially, the series), I
was going to have the Taglines winner wrap up by reciting a list of people who
contributed to the show in the style of an acceptance speech. It’s essentially
a technique to make credits interesting that I nicked from Whose Line Is It Anyway. Casual plagiarism aside, as we never did
produce that show, I can think of no better place to incorporate this list than
here…
“Oh my god, I can’t believe this. This has been such an
amazing journey. I have worked with so many amazing people and I owe this all
to them. They are, in no particular order, you for listening or reading, Sonney
for commissioning the show (I LOVE YOU, MAN), Chris and James for taking part,
Alex and Tom for producing it (God, they do great work…), the M.M.C., Kermode and Mayo, anyone
who sent in a review or comment, Bruce Willis (for just being awesome), and, of
course, my mom…”
CORRECTIONS
James did not, as promised, spend the entire show trying to
remember the name of Christoph Waltz’s next film. He quickly reverted to thinking about Die Hard.
I am wrong when I suggest no one wants to sleep alone. Ebenezer
Scrooge famously stayed away from company because he was a sucker for his
single bed.
“We never said the spoiler” for Sixth Sense. I’m pretty sure
there’s evidence we did…
