Spoiler Alert (AKA an intro to episode three of ‘The Film Show’)

First off, we’re sorry. We’re sorry, we’re sorry, we’re sorry, we’re sorry.

Yes, Episode Three is very much an apology special which sees us saying sorry for, amongst other things, seemingly unintentionally endorsing Mel Gibson’s alleged assault, making light of sex trafficking, and, worst of all, claiming that Robert Pattinson is an actor. If that's not enough apologies for you, then we’re sorry about that too.

One thing it appears we’re not remorseful about is repeatedly ruining the infamous twist ending of The Sixth Sense. In pretty much every other episode, including this one, we mention that Bruce Willis is, say, not of this world. Actually, that makes him sound like an alien, which is not the revelation at all (although it would be an apt start to Shyamalan’s increasingly ludicrous output). I’ve no idea why we kept coming back to that particular spoiler (generally we were quite good at not mentioning anything key from the latter half of movies), but then again, I don’t know why the mind-blowing climax to a thirteen year old film is so in the public domain. Saying that though, viewing The Sixth Sense whilst being aware of the big reveal has saved me from having to see it twice to spot the hints towards its surprise, thus giving me more time to, say, rewatch The Room.

Ah, The Room. After James’ mind-boggling description, I knew it was the sort of so-bad-it’s-good film that I would enjoy, so, as soon as it was screened at a local B-Movie double bill night that I frequented, I went along to see it. I was not disappointed (well, that is to say I was – it’s an atrocious bit of movie making – but, it is a must-see if you love car-crash cinema). Like The Rocky Horror Show, it has an established set of routines and rituals you do when watching this cult classic. Hence, when any of the picture frames with their sample photo of cutlery come into shot, you throw, and shout, “spoons!”. Honestly, it’s like being in a very disciplined angry mob, just waiting for their cue to hurl the flaming torches. Eventually, it becomes natural, something you do instinctively without thinking, like breaking into the lyrics of Duran Duran’s Rio.

I’m happy to say that Episode Three is not the only time you will hear that routine. It crops up again, and becomes somewhat of a recurring joke, because it just so happened that Rio repeatedly was in the Box Office top ten when we recorded shows, and we had yet to see it. I still have yet to see it. Why? Because BRUCE WILLIS IS A GHOST!

I’m so sorry.

CORRECTIONS

I did in fact watch Fight Club knowing the twist. I learnt it from a condensed two part parody on The Lee Mack Show in which Tyler Durden is Welsh, Marla joins the pair at the club, and there’s no real mention of Project Mayhem.  No prizes for guessing which version is closer to the novel.

Chris did not actually write the ‘punch you in the face’ line. He stayed up the previous night with several gag writers and that was their best effort.

Contrary to James’ assertion otherwise, Andie MacDowell is “worth it” - if by “worth it”, you mean “just as entitled to have clean silky smooth manageable hair as anyone else on this planet providing they can afford the pricey shampoo and conditioner combo.”.