Recently I
turned thirty (“Whaaat? But you look so young!” Shush, that’s enough). I have
heard two things about this next decade:
a) having experimented in your twenties and tried on many hats (figuratively,
but, in my case, literally), you have a better understanding of who you are.
b) if you
sleep in an awkward position once, you will be in pain for the rest of your
life.
Now, I’m
barely one month removed from reaching my fourth decade, so I cannot
objectively assess either of these things. However, it would have been impossible to have
passed three hundred and sixty months without gaining some opinions on how to
do life.
Here then,
entirely unsolicited and by zero existent demand, are thirty pieces of advice I
try to live by.
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.
Our lives
are made up of racing and rests. It’s okay to take a break and scroll your
phone. Doing nothing is as important as doing something “useful”. If we’re
always productive, we will burn out.
Prioritise you and your health over everything and everyone (source: my current supervisor)
It is okay to
cancel a DnD session if you have a headache. Your friends would
rather postpone an event than you attend disengaged, exhausted, and aching.
If a
crucial part of your company’s service would collapse in your absence as you’re
a loadbearing employee, that is not on you. They need contingency plans and a
more flexible structure in place.
You cannot
look after others if you do not look after yourself. To this end…
Use your
holiday leave and take time off work (especially if you live in Europe where you are
entitled to almost a full month of annual leave a year!)
If you must
have career regrets on your deathbed, make sure it’s not that you should have worked more
days. Sporadic Bank Holidays and the Christmas break are not enough rest stops
in the year to refuel you. Take time off for weddings, vacations, gigs
(watching or performing), seeing family, or just pick a random day for a nice
day out. Most of your memories should be made outside of work.
That said…
Work
socials are crucial
If your
workplace is anything like mine, your group chat is dominated by talk of
scheduling, meetings, logistics – you know, the fun stuff. The times our teams
feel closest to falling apart is when we discuss only that. We forget we
are friends as well as partners and colleagues in an enterprise.
This is why
we need the Friday night hang. The Christmas do. The pet pics on WhatsApp. It
reminds us we are more than cogs in our shared machine. We are humans with
lives and we like each other.
Not all
friendships last forever
Sitcoms
would have you believe teams stay intact for eight years. These shows usually
end when found families part ways.
Some of
your friends will leave the city - or the country. After uni, you may find some
bonds were based purely on geography or a shared space or purpose. Not everyone
in your life will stick around but the ones you endeavour to keep around and, equally, those
that actively work to see you, they will be with you forever (or as long as you
enjoy each other’s company) because…
It’s not
what you do that matters, it’s who you do it with
A spa
weekend could be stressful if your mate is ticked off. Two weeks in a sunny
clime can be nice but your standout memory may be the messing around at the
airport.
Some of my
best birthdays were not built around events where we get to places at specific
times. They were relaxed low pressure hangouts where we looked for something
else when we were ready.
And I’m not
anti-plans. I’m a rules-loving man who loves A Routine. If we’re
meeting up though? Let’s just chat and goof around! Also…
Don’t
obsess about the pictures
I reached a
point where I would be at an event and be thinking of how great the photos
shared on socials afterwards would be. This is no way to live.
What cured
me of this mindset was pictures never arriving (turns out life can go on just
fine without snapshots of me on a stage or at a do). Or worse – images came but
there was no single perfect shot. I looked odd or a friend was squinting or it
was otherwise unflattering for one of us so it was kinder to not share it.
Not
everything has to be marked with a picture. By all means, let’s get a group
selfie when we meet, but I accept now that not all meetups will result in a new
album on Facebook. After all…
Not
everything has to be #content
Being
online all the time has encouraged us to share everything. In the absence of
jokes or insight to offer, the easiest thing to post is things from your life.
Whether there is any value to doing this (for you or anyone else) is rarely
considered. You need to feed the content machine. You don’t exist if you do not
constantly dispatch missives from your world.
I think it
is fine to put everything on the web if you want. But what little I have to
report, I’ll just share with friends.
Similarly…
No one
needs to know you didn’t enjoy something
There is
more than enough snark on the internet. In lieu of sharing something from your
day, one sure-fire way to generate #content is to dismiss something. Denigrate
someone’s looks or talent. Write off a movie that SUCKED.
It’s easy.
Does it make you feel better? The dopamine hits of reactions may but they are
fleeting.
The cliché
is true – if you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all. If I
hated a show, you will never hear a word about it from me. However, if I adored
something or appreciated an element of what they did, I’ll pass it on. I only
put out recommendations.
Wouldn’t you exude that energy? Be an advocate and…
Enjoy
things unashamedly and wholeheartedly
I find it
endearing when a friend is a fan of something to the extent it forms part of
their identity. I can only dream of being so into something that the sight and
thought of it brings you intense joy.
Granted, if
your passion of choice is harmful, immoral, or illegal, I’m less inclined to
encourage it, but otherwise, GO FOR IT. Buy the t-shirt, attend the convention.
Decorate your life with what you like as…
It’s not
a useless or frivolous purchase if it sparks joy (again, granted, unless it’s harmful, immoral,
or illegal…)
Look, you
don’t need a soap dish that looks like a lily pad (that said, now I’m
picturing one, that does seem delightful). If it will make you smile every time
you see it though, it is totally worth it.
It’s your
money, your choice. So start that collection!
My vice?
Blind bag of Lego minifigures. I don’t buy them constantly – I’m keen to ensure
they remain a treat rather than routine – but if there’s a series or design
that I like, I’ll buy one. I, quite literally…
Delight
in the small things
When I am on
holiday, I take shots of my friends, but most of my pictures are of punning
shop names, interesting museum plaques, or baffling graffiti.
It is the little
things that stand out. The most inspiring speech may stir a crowd, but if the
speaker’s voice accidentally cracked on the word ‘action’, you can bet that’s
all I will recall.
Paying attention to
details is a crucial quality for most jobs, but such awareness is important generally to
ensure you always see interesting stuff. Focus and it will pay off. That applies
to speaking too…
Have one
conversation at a time
One valuable
lesson I learnt from practicing improv is that talking is not a
competition. It is far more fulfilling to discuss one topic than taking it in
turns to introduce your tangentially related anecdote.
I would
rather we chat about one thing instead of several even if I have little to
offer on a subject. If I ask questions that I am interested in getting answers
to, I will never get bored, plus I might learn something. Not sure about this
approach?
Try it,
you might like it
Ah, another
irritating bit of homespun wisdom – and all the more annoying because it is
true.
In my life,
this initial reluctance has applied to pizza (hot bread topped with vegetables
mixed with cheese? Sounds weird); table service (don’t make me talk to
strangers!); customer support (don’t make me talk to angry strangers!).
As it turns
out, pizza is great, stepping out from behind the bar to write down some food
orders really helps my colleagues, and customer queries can be like mini
mysteries to be solved! Albeit cases where the answer is often ‘it’s THERE. You
already have it. You’re just looking in the wrong place!’.
You may actually enjoy bungee jumping, but you will not find out until you leap off the platform.
It’s
healthy to break routines
Being
comfortable is not always good. You cannot stay in a hot bath forever because
you will wrinkle and the water will go cold. Some conditions must change.
After the
world reopened, I continued largely working from home. I was able to convince
myself that staying in permanently was great and sporadic video calls were an adequate substitute for offline human interaction.
Being inside was safe and who doesn’t like being safe?!
I have
since been convinced to leave my room and commute in a few times a week. I now
enjoy the benefits of something crucial for any job: someone to rant with.
You need
someone to affirm your shared experience
Whether it’s
a sibling agreeing that aspects of your upbringing were stressful or a colleague co-signing your frustration that lunch break is mandated for 4PM, you need a second
party to go ‘you’re right, that is weird’.
To vent
instead of keeping in something toxic? It’s not just for noxious gases – it works
for humans too.
If feeling heard
is not sufficient, one possible solution to destress...
You need
nights off (even from something fun)
Most of our day is spent at work, so naturally we’re desperate to make our
nights worthwhile. That’s OUR time. We EARNT this.
Of course,
your social life can be as draining as your job if you overschedule yourself.
Just because you once agreed to commit Tuesdays to archery practice does not mean
you are obliged to attend every week until you die. Grab an early night instead
of your kit. Your body will thank you.
Speaking of
slowing down…
It’s
better to be late than The Late (source: my granddad)
People
would rather be put out by a delay than mourn you because your haste meant you didn't check for oncoming cars before stepping out into the road.
Semi-related…
Work to
your own timeline
I am thirty
and have only recently found a stable job with office hours. Some of my Sixth
Form peers are thirty and have houses / married / kids. Not only do we do
things at our own pace, we may not have the same priorities.
Comparison is the
thief of joy (source: Teddy Roosevelt). Work on yourself and you will be ready
to, should you want it, get into a relationship or accept that promotion. To
that end…
Continuity
can be an achievement.
Continuing
to stay in one role or keeping up a hobby takes work. If you find where you are at satisfying,
you do not need to level up. Some of us are content maintaining our little
corner of the world. I am happy helping run an improv jam. I am not looking to
become an improv teacher.
It is
okay to keep something as a hobby.
Self-explanatory.
Accept
your limits.
My grandma
reiterates in most phone calls that she thinks I should be an actor.
Here is the
thing – I know I have a limited range. I can do happy-go-lucky naïve waif or
dry reserved dogsbody. I could work on expanding beyond them, but those are my sweet spots.
Would I turn
down a run at the Edinburgh Fringe? Well, no, but…
Question
the Why of your desires
Playing at
the Edinburgh Fringe seems to be quite a common career milestone among my
performer peers. It is one I too occasionally covet, but when I consider the
core appeal of that dream, it’s not the opportunity to be talent spotted nor the chance to bump into Them Off the Telly. No, it is the prospect
of doing a show a lot of times. Which I can achieve for way cheaper at the
Camden Fringe.
Not that I
would ever discourage pals to head to Scottish stages. Not at all! If they want
to…
Good for them. That’s not for me
Work a
job with a purpose
Before I
got my office job, I did a five-year stint as a restaurant bartender. I tolerated it in part because it was
straightforward.
What do I
do? Make drinks. How do I know I have done it well? The drink was correct and
made quickly.
It was not
anyone’s dream to be there, but you knew at the end of the shift that you had
Achieved a Thing. It was also reassuring to remember that…
Nothing must
be for forever.
I accept
that some people's options for change are limited by their finances, location, or family
circumstances, but those that you can control, you can change.
You can
drop out of the Tuesday night archery because the long drive sucks. You can
leave a troupe if there’s toxic people. You can quit your unfulfilling job if
the buddies that made it alright have all moved on.
Sometimes stability is not a good enough reason to maintain the status
quo. Things change...
People
move on (so you have to be self-sufficient)
Relationships
end. Friends move away. Your supervisor can change department.
Sometimes
you will have to amuse yourself or be in charge of deciding what to work on. Make as
many friends as you can handle but accept that sometimes you will have to make
your own fun.
Here’s
the good and bad news: no one is thinking of you (source: various, but most recently,
this Pearls
Before Swine comic)
You are a
unique complex individual with lots of thoughts and commitments and chores. And
so is EVERYONE ELSE.
So yes, you
won’t necessarily be on people’s minds all the time because they’re BUSY.
However, this also means they’re probably not dwelling on that embarrassing thing
you did that makes you cringe at night.
If you want
to keep them in your sphere, great! Get in touch, acknowledge the occasional
social media post, wish them a happy birthday (only on the day, obviously). If you do meet...
Tell people
how you are really feeling.
If asked ‘how
are you’, instead of completing the ritual with the expected ‘not bad. How are
you?’, I take a second, then answer honestly.
It’s
important to know what energy or baggage someone is bringing to a room. I won’t
know to be patient to someone if they did not tell me they had a bad night’s sleep.
You know why you might not sleep well? Pain, so...
Sit up
straight.
You’re thirty,
after all. You don’t want to fuck up your back.
