In 2013, I produced Simple As ABD, a podcast in which each edition featured questions based around one letter of the alphabet. I never got past F. However, I did prepare the scripts for a further three episodes. These are just some of the questions you would have heard if I had done Episode G.
GAGA - Have you ever been pursued by the pa pa pa pa paparazzi?
GALAXY - Star Wars is set in a galaxy far far away. Why don't more movies take place on chocolate bars?
GARDENING - If you have green fingers, why don't you go to the doctor?
GEOGRAPHY - Where am I?
GIFT - If it's the thought that counts, can I get away with saying I thought about getting you a present?
GOOFY - One of Mickey Mouse's pals is a dog and he also owns a dog. Which is his best friend?
GRAVITY - Doesn't it get you down?
GREAT-GRANDPARENTS - Are your grandparents great?
GUERRILLA WARFARE - When will the monkeys take over?
Sunday, 16 February 2014
These Questions are The (H) Bomb!
In 2013, I produced Simple As ABD, a podcast in which each edition featured questions based around one letter of the alphabet. I never got past F. However, I did prepare the scripts for a further three episodes. These are just some of the questions you would have heard if I had done Episode H.
HEAVEN - Is a gay nightclub in London your idea of Heaven?
HELLO - Is it me you're looking for?
HALIBUTS - Do fish have butts?
HAMMERHEAD - Where are the sharks that look like nails?
HENS - Are you chicken?
HILL - Have you ever climbed up Harry Hill?
HOGWASH - Have you ever scrubbed a pig?
HOLY - Ever worshipped holy cheese?
HUMMINGBIRD - Do birds stink?
HEAVEN - Is a gay nightclub in London your idea of Heaven?
HELLO - Is it me you're looking for?
HALIBUTS - Do fish have butts?
HAMMERHEAD - Where are the sharks that look like nails?
HENS - Are you chicken?
HILL - Have you ever climbed up Harry Hill?
HOGWASH - Have you ever scrubbed a pig?
HOLY - Ever worshipped holy cheese?
HUMMINGBIRD - Do birds stink?
I spy with my little I - questions!
In 2013, I produced Simple As ABD, a podcast in which each edition featured questions based around one letter of the alphabet. I never got past F. However, I did prepare the scripts for a further three episodes. These are just some of the questions you would have heard if I had done Episode I.
ILLEGAL - Ever seen a sick bird?
IMAGINE - Imagine no John Lennon. It's easy if you try.
IMMORTAL - I'm going to live forever. I'm going to learn how to fly. Are you...
IMPOSSIBLE - How many impossible missions does Tom Cruise have to do before it's no longer impressive?
INCOGNITO - Where in the world is Cognito?
INSOMNIA - Do you think Al Pacino loses sleep over any of his films?
INNUENDO - Making euphemisms - is it hard?
ILLEGAL - Ever seen a sick bird?
IMAGINE - Imagine no John Lennon. It's easy if you try.
IMMORTAL - I'm going to live forever. I'm going to learn how to fly. Are you...
IMPOSSIBLE - How many impossible missions does Tom Cruise have to do before it's no longer impressive?
INCOGNITO - Where in the world is Cognito?
INSOMNIA - Do you think Al Pacino loses sleep over any of his films?
INNUENDO - Making euphemisms - is it hard?
Saturday, 15 February 2014
ABD was Not So Simple
In 2013, I started Simple As ABD, a podcast with a simple aim - each episode would consist of conversations based on questions starting with one letter of the alphabet*. The first show would be about A, the second B, and so on. Could I get all the way to Z?
Well, it turns out No.
I only did one block of six. Those editions, which cover A to F, together run for almost four and a half hours. The unabridged sessions are so much longer. It turns out that the show structure was too free which meant each recording essentially ran until we were tired. I'm proud of what I produced - it gave me a chance to have some of my favourite people back for some frivolous fun - but, when some of my dream guests couldn't make time to do the next series, I had no problem with stopping the show.
A few months later, I started A Way Day. It's just me at a mic doing two and a half minutes of topical jokes. I can go from writing to uploading in the space of a few hours. I get three out a week. It's far less work than Simple As ABD and it's very different to what I've done before, but I'm enjoying it.
*If that sounds familiar, yes, it's basically QI. I made sure to include a running joke in my introductions that rubbished my own programme and conceded theirs was far superior.
Well, it turns out No.
I only did one block of six. Those editions, which cover A to F, together run for almost four and a half hours. The unabridged sessions are so much longer. It turns out that the show structure was too free which meant each recording essentially ran until we were tired. I'm proud of what I produced - it gave me a chance to have some of my favourite people back for some frivolous fun - but, when some of my dream guests couldn't make time to do the next series, I had no problem with stopping the show.
A few months later, I started A Way Day. It's just me at a mic doing two and a half minutes of topical jokes. I can go from writing to uploading in the space of a few hours. I get three out a week. It's far less work than Simple As ABD and it's very different to what I've done before, but I'm enjoying it.
*If that sounds familiar, yes, it's basically QI. I made sure to include a running joke in my introductions that rubbished my own programme and conceded theirs was far superior.
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Love Is - A Poem
Love is wanting to hold hands.
Love is being extraordinarily excited to see your best friend.
Love is knowing it's good to share.
Love is basically like being seven.
Love is being extraordinarily excited to see your best friend.
Love is knowing it's good to share.
Love is basically like being seven.
Thursday, 9 January 2014
A review of 'TOY STORY' (but not the one you're thinking of)
The year was 1997. I was but a boy who loved a certain hit animation film. It inspired me to make my acting début. That performance wasn't reviewed but if it had been, it would have definitely sounded a bit like this...
When reflecting on this production and the début of its young star, Brendan Way, the first word that springs to mind is ‘Nepotism’. The show is rife with it. For instance, said performer, apparently unsatisfied with simply playing the lead role (that of all-American hero, Sheriff Woody) also took it upon himself to direct and write the piece as well. Not only that, he cast his relatives and toys in the rest of the other roles. His parents have parts. His stuffed animals have parts. Even his brothers – including one who is barely a year old, have parts. This version of hit animation Toy Story then, if it wasn’t already obvious, is very much a family affair. This indulgent creative decision would not matter however if the play, an adaption of the picture book of the film, was any good. Alas the script (which is, a reliable source informs me, for no clear reason, written in large red font) reads like it has been, and indeed probably was, copied out verbatim. As for the acting, well, whoever said one should never work with animals or children was today never proven so right. The baby, for one, rarely looked focused and at some points might even have gone to sleep.
This of course brings us to our star. Having neglected to allow his ensemble the luxury of a rehearsal, he splits his stage time between reading his lines (it seems none of the company bothered to memorise a single syllable of their speech) and running the show. His first foray into the limelight as a result is hard to judge as he never is fully “on”. Saying that, and not taking into consideration his relative youth (he is only five after all), based on this display of so-called “talent” alone, I would advise he give up and go home. Luckily, given that this one-off took place in his lounge, he doesn’t have far to go. 2/5 stars. Would not recommend.
When reflecting on this production and the début of its young star, Brendan Way, the first word that springs to mind is ‘Nepotism’. The show is rife with it. For instance, said performer, apparently unsatisfied with simply playing the lead role (that of all-American hero, Sheriff Woody) also took it upon himself to direct and write the piece as well. Not only that, he cast his relatives and toys in the rest of the other roles. His parents have parts. His stuffed animals have parts. Even his brothers – including one who is barely a year old, have parts. This version of hit animation Toy Story then, if it wasn’t already obvious, is very much a family affair. This indulgent creative decision would not matter however if the play, an adaption of the picture book of the film, was any good. Alas the script (which is, a reliable source informs me, for no clear reason, written in large red font) reads like it has been, and indeed probably was, copied out verbatim. As for the acting, well, whoever said one should never work with animals or children was today never proven so right. The baby, for one, rarely looked focused and at some points might even have gone to sleep.
This of course brings us to our star. Having neglected to allow his ensemble the luxury of a rehearsal, he splits his stage time between reading his lines (it seems none of the company bothered to memorise a single syllable of their speech) and running the show. His first foray into the limelight as a result is hard to judge as he never is fully “on”. Saying that, and not taking into consideration his relative youth (he is only five after all), based on this display of so-called “talent” alone, I would advise he give up and go home. Luckily, given that this one-off took place in his lounge, he doesn’t have far to go. 2/5 stars. Would not recommend.
Sunday, 1 December 2013
What a Novel idea!
Last month, many budding authors worldwide attempted NaNoWriMo in which you must attempt to produce fifty thousand words of a new novel. I did not. However, should I ever be inclined to tackle this challenge, I think you'll agree I've a pretty solid pitch...
CHAPTER ONE
Something exciting happens so you keep reading. Seriously, the book won't get good again until Chapter Five when we flashback to the same event but somehow it is just as tense. Anyway, given that this is a prologue in all but name we don't meet our main character yet.
CHAPTER TWO
We meet our main character.
CHAPTER THREE
Our main character gets closer to actually hearing about what happened in Chapter One but doesn't quite yet because we've got to introduce the other quirky people in his world first so you know he has a life outside of his job or whatever it is he pursues in this book.
CHAPTER FOUR
He learns about the thing from a newspaper or a colleague or whatever. He goes to interview a witness who, well, witnessed it.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE FLASHBACK HAPPENS. MY GOD, IT'S TENSE.
CHAPTER SIX
Main character investigates the cause behind the thing. This again is nowhere as interesting as the beginning of the story. He will basically do this until Chapter Ten.
CHAPTER TEN
The main character finds and fights the baddie because there must be a villain or else it's not a proper novel. The main character inevitably wins.
OR DOES HE?
Yes, yes he does.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
There's a bit of talking. If this was on TV, people would have switched over by now.
My next book will be out in six months.
You should buy it so I don't have to get a proper job.
THE END.
Thoughts?
CHAPTER ONE
Something exciting happens so you keep reading. Seriously, the book won't get good again until Chapter Five when we flashback to the same event but somehow it is just as tense. Anyway, given that this is a prologue in all but name we don't meet our main character yet.
CHAPTER TWO
We meet our main character.
CHAPTER THREE
Our main character gets closer to actually hearing about what happened in Chapter One but doesn't quite yet because we've got to introduce the other quirky people in his world first so you know he has a life outside of his job or whatever it is he pursues in this book.
CHAPTER FOUR
He learns about the thing from a newspaper or a colleague or whatever. He goes to interview a witness who, well, witnessed it.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE FLASHBACK HAPPENS. MY GOD, IT'S TENSE.
CHAPTER SIX
Main character investigates the cause behind the thing. This again is nowhere as interesting as the beginning of the story. He will basically do this until Chapter Ten.
CHAPTER TEN
The main character finds and fights the baddie because there must be a villain or else it's not a proper novel. The main character inevitably wins.
OR DOES HE?
Yes, yes he does.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
There's a bit of talking. If this was on TV, people would have switched over by now.
My next book will be out in six months.
You should buy it so I don't have to get a proper job.
THE END.
Thoughts?
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